Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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