i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
