A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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