i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
