why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
