Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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