I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
