So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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