It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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