just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
