Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
