I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
