one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
