My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
