just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
