How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
These tits shall not be calmed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
