I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize