were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize