6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
