those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
