This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
