people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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