Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
