Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
