Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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