U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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