Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
