$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
