I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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