Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
