If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
