It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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