Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
