everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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