grandma shit on top of the toilet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
