Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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