How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
