I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
