i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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