So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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