Screwed.edu
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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