just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
