She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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