I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
