Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
