I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
