So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
