Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
