Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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