I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
