Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
