have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
