a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
