pedialite and red bull = repair kit
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
