Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
