I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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