If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is Oprah even human
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
