running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
