New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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