Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
