You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
