We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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