Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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