Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My life is pants optional.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
