lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
