She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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