i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cat gives me a boner
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
