Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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