bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
