everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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