he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
