I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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