He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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