also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
