Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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