I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
