Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
