Apparently you make a good broom.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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