dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
